How To Play Drinking Monopoly

Ah, how wonderfully boring a game of commerce can be after too many years.  Feel like spicing things up a bit?  Have your favorite beer or spirit on hand and take drinks according to the following legend.

 

 

 

  • Pass Go – 1 drink
  • Land on Tax Space – 1 drink
  • Land on Owned Property – 1 drink
  • Chance or Community Chest Card Works Against You – 1 drink
  • Chance or Community Chest Card Works For You – 1 drink to everyone else
  • Land on Free Parking – 1 drink to everyone else
  • Roll Doubles – 1 drink
  • Roll Doubles x2 – 2 drinks
  • Roll Doubles x3 – 3 drinks
  • Land on Property with a House – 2 drinks
  • Land on Property with a Hotel – 3 drinks
  • Go to Jail – 2 drinks
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The Velvet Podcast – Episode 009: Vanity vs. Traditional Publishing

Last week, I went over to Gordon Highland’s (author of Major Inversions) to meet up with him and labelmate, Caleb J. Ross (author of Charactered Pieces, Stranger Will), for the recording of The Velvet Podcast.  We each had our own brew: Gordon and Caleb were drinking some fancy shit while I got lit on PBR tallboys, and we proceeded to talk about the world that is vanity publishing.  Hopefully, the following conversation should not only entertain, but enlighten, as they’re are more than just a couple of misconceptions about it.

Listen to Episode 009 here

Visit Gordon Highland

Visit Caleb J. Ross

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The Contortionist’s Handbook review

Clevenger almost wound up as one of those guys I’d wish people would stop prattling on and on about.

“So brilliant.”
“Such a genius.”

And I was so incredibly sick of hearing it.

Dermaphoria was what I ended up cutting me teeth on regarding his work, and I must admit, I found myself struggling through it and wondering what all the fuss was about.

That didn’t stop me from picking up TCH when I finally found a copy for under $40, or more specifically, when MacAdam/Cage finally pulled their heads out of their asses and decided to give the book another print run. A movie deal and high demand can do that.

Nonetheless, my expectations were considerably low, and so the following read pertaining to an identity-shifting expert with an extra finger was that much more of a pleasant surprise. Palahniuk said, “…the best book I’ve read in five years. Easily. Maybe even ten years,” and I’m inclined to agree.

Clevenger spins a web of lies and identity crisis so complex, it’s a wonder that the reader doesn’t get lost in the details of how to fake a birth certificate or SR-22, but the author never shakes you…not unless he wants to. In TCH, we see John Dolan Vincent pitted up against “The Evaluator” for his freedom after an overdose, the story alternating between this battle of wits, tells, and intellect, and the seedy past of this protagonist of how he came use a deformity to his advantage. It reads similar to Palahniuk: minimalist with loads of factual information regarding the trade of forgery (we’ve seen this before with Jack and explosives in Fight Club), but unlike the one and two-star reviews on Amazon where Clevenger is ostracized for being a rip-off, it’s obvious to me that the author has made this style his own within the neo-noir genre.

Simply put, I see the influence, but nothing that would make me believe Craig wrote this thinking, “What would Chuck do?” And perhaps this is why his second novel turned out so different from his first…to distance himself from the name, the legacy, the style.

I wish he would return to it.

TCH is one of those books that when I put it down, I knew I’d read it again at least eight more times. I can’t recommend it enough.

To buy The Contortionist’s Handbook on Amazon, click here

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The Pitch article with corrections

Last Wednesday, I met up with a journalist from The Pitch, which in Kansas City terms, is sort of like our version of The Village Voice.  We had some drinks and pom frits (fancy fries) and talked about book stuff.  No tape recorder.  Nothing formal.  Just her asking probing questions about the last four years and me telling the story/giving anecdotes.  She admitted that she had not read any of the book, so I’m thinking this was more of an introductory sort of thing and that we would eventually meet up again. 

Not so.

Two days later the article goes up, and although she captured the spirit of things, I have to admit, I was a little shocked at the turnaround time.  I was also leaning on getting something in actual print, but as she would later explain to me, it would not likely happen for reasons unbeknownst to me.  I’m still not sure what constitutes print-worthy or not print-worthy.  Anyway…you can read the article here.

So let’s do the corrections:

  1. I’m quoted as saying “I don’t really have a niche.”  What I actually said was, “My stuff is very niche,” as in: it’s not commercial.
  2. In reference to the Chuck Palahniuk Anthology Contest, I’ve actually made finalist three times in six months, not eight.  That one might actually be a misstep by me due to too many beers.
  3. My second book, Vanity, will NOT be out later in 2010.  2011, at the earliest.  My agent needs to sell it first.
  4. Vanity is NOT a “keeping up with the Jones’s” story about a husband whose ex-wife’s credit-scorching shopping habits prompt him to hawk her designer handbags on street corners.  One of the stories is, yes, but that’s only a part of the larger work.
  5. My dog’s name is Dr. Croutons NOT Mr. Croutons.  Dr. Croutons is a girl and girls can be doctors.

So five varying mistakes in one little article.  That’s the risk you run when there’s no tape recorder, but I ain’t mad.  At the very least, I needed to set the record straight somewhere, though. 

-BT

Edit: The journalist  was nice enough to come by and correct a couple things.  Dr. Croutons’ good name has been restored!

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Candy review

When I pick up any book for the first time, I always open it to a random point in the middle and begin reading. I’ve done this for years, and it’s always served as an accurate gauge to the level of writing the author is demonstrating. For the most part, every book is designed to begin with what’s called a “hook,” which is why most authors will always tell you in their workshops and seminars, “Always begin with action.” The idea, if it’s not obvious, is to suck the reader in to the point of purchase.

Regarding “Candy,” I did not have this option. The first 13 pages were missing, and then another 40 or so subsequent pages, randomly torn out by the last reader. The eventual pitfall of purchasing books on Amazon, I’m afraid, and so Davies’ writing was put to the random entry point test in every instance of another four or five or six missing pages. There’s no complex way of saying this: Davies can write his ass off, and he will suck you in even under the less than ideal circumstances of omitted pages and fragmentation.

“Candy” is exactly what it says it is on the cover: a story of love and addiction. Naturally, one’s mind jumps to the other two big junk novels in natural comparison, “Requiem for a Dream” and “Trainspotting,” but where Selby Jr. makes the reader crawl through his poor formatting choices and Welsh culture shocks our eyes and minds with Gaelic, it’s Davies that gives us the most accessible text with his smooth and dreamy prosaic style, submerging the reader in warm pools of joy and harsh junkie sickness.

Out of the three, “Requiem” still reigns king, but only in regards to its film adaptation.

Davies’ “Candy” accurately conveys the junkie lifestyle, its swelling highs and desperate lows more poignantly than I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. This is a story of perceived love, but mainly it is a struggle between two people and their ability to connect when chemicals aren’t involved. They scam and steal and sell themselves all in the name of love, but it’s a love that steadily decays them with every injection. They are aware of the consequences, yet, continue to push the proverbial envelope in the name of devotion, a devotion not necessarily to each other.

There is joy in this novel, hope that is both realized and unrealized, and by the end you’ve been run ragged by these experiences. “Candy” does everything a novel is supposed to, and by way of a the man-woman-junk dynamic, a few things I haven’t seen before.

To buy “Candy” on Amazon click here

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World War Z review

This book is predicated upon showing the human element during the world’s war effort against the undead. It’s something specifically stated at the very beginning of the novel. Why this book fails is because it is a novel trying to accomplish a retelling of the war through stories, which, functionally-speaking, works quite well. “I’m sold” on the idea, so to speak. Regarding this supposed “human element,” yes, I realize we’re getting a myriad of stories from various people from around the globe, but this sort of works against itself when the quality vs. quantity phenomena is in effect.

What we have are hundreds of stories giving their personal experience of World War Z, ranging from the very beginning stages, to The Great Panic, to Turning the Tide, and beyond. However, because we’re constantly shifting prospective, countries, and placement in political and social standing, we, as readers, never become invested in any of these “characters.” There’s also the added degree of difficulty the author sets for himself by having so many different locales, and therefore, cultural shifts throughout the book. I thought this would be a demand that author would rise to in order to create authenticity. Brooks, however, ignores country and continent. There is never a language barrier or a scent of broken English. The general in Japan sounds exactly the same as the Russian nurse and they sound just like the American corporal. It’s lazy writing, and blatantly so.

Had Brooks spent half as much time on the cultural traits as he had the military jargon, he’d have a much better end product. At least this way, I’d have felt like I’d seen the world instead of simply told “this is [insert foreign country] but I’m going to Americanize it for you.”

World War Z gets it’s main point across: the war. I know what happened, how it happened, and how it ended. The problem is how that information was given to me, this sort of convoluted round-robin of interviews and stories. Brooks lets each of these interviews go on with very little interruption from the guy with the tape recorder, and with each of them being a crap shoot of good or not good or great or flat-out boring, the pacing can really mess with you knowing it’s ups and downs for 300+ pages.

This is the kind of novel that gives you the big picture through a series of pictures, and when you’re finally done, you might feel as if some of those photos could have been deleted. They either didn’t add to the story or served as a way of relaying military info that the author didn’t have the good sense to cut.

To anyone who has read this, I ask: How much better could this novel had been with the same story, and around six or seven MAIN characters?

Bottom line: a great idea that truly sells me on the idea of waging war against the undead, however, the execution of “the human element” is DOA.

To purchase “World War Z” on Amazon, click here

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“Portraits”

From the upcoming Vanity collection, “Portraits” is up on Outsider Writers Collective: here

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